This is Suze
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Birthday Photoshoot II
🕑 Added 2022-01-25 12:01:01 +0000 UTCI haven't been taking photos of myself for a while. it's as if I kind of got shy. But I think there's a reason for it and that is that last year I got bullied by a close friend, publicly.
I think I didn't realise what an impact that had on me. it was such a shock to have someone I was really good friends with, and saw every Sunday and was such a champion of me suddenly over night flipped on me just because I accepted a date from a guy and it made her jealous. I have honestly never known such pscizophrenic behaviour. One night she was my friend and the next she was badmouthing my name all over social media.
I didn't retaliate, I just wanted us to talk but she refused. i had no problem with her and as much as i tried I could not see what I had done wrong, except trigger a childhood wound.
Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that painful moment in time, but she wasn't the only one who bullied me last year, I also dealt with a troll, a woman i had met only once in my life, it was all so weird. i know, it's probably just their projections and their jealousy, which I don't understand, if they knew my life they would know there's nothing to be jealous of, I'm single, finding it impossible to meet someone and find love (looking for an INFJ/ENFJ, AMERICAN/CANADIAN, anyone? Feel free to hook me up with your good looking big hearted friends if you think we would match!)
i started the new year broke, so as far as I'm concerned absolutely no reason to be jealous of me at all, but I get some haters, and I think that's what stopped me taking pics of myself. The voices in my head were far more full of those voices of the haters. This year I noticed that and I decided to flip that around and start focussing on all the good comments I get from people who love me. One friend said "You're gold on two legs" she was referring to my creative gifts. Another friend said the other day "Suze, it;s not that you're bad at everything, you're good at everything" Friends that point out my kindness or my big heart. But I've been conditioned to listen to the voice of those that are on the fence about me, or want to throw tomatoes at me. What would happen to my life if I listened to the voices of the people that loved me, and were FUCK YES! about Suze?
i started to make this shift recently and I noticed already in just a few days how positively this was impacting me, and taking photos of myself again started to happen, I started appreciating my beauty and appreciating how I look at 41, my skin is young, I don't have cellulite, barely a wrinkle, and plus if I keep smiling more, my frown lines might even get smaller! And I realised that the way i feel and think about myself has been largely impacted by what others think and feel about me, sometimes people who don't even know me. it feels scary to ignore their voices and turn up the volume of the positive voices, but heck, it's my life and the difference to my day when i flip everything to a positive is HUGE. It's worth it. And with practise i trust that the more confidence this creates in me the less I will even hear the voices of my haters. It will be like a crackle that comes over my radio waves, I can't quite make it out, I tune my radio to a higher frequency and the interference is over in a second!
If you've been feeling a lack of confidence in yourself, turn up the volume of those that love you and tune out the voices of people that have less faith in you. They are just projecting their own fears and you do not need to be the one to receive them.
Sending you so much love from me, another year around the sun
Suze x
