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Outrun - Chapter 150

🕑 Added 2024-09-30 22:04:00 +0000 UTC

Comments

Gardor

Alright that makes sense. I'm gonna pretend I know writing rules, and make a super pedantic observation: the shed being heavily warded, and her balancing on a building ledge while she maneuvers her gadgets with the help of her magic summon, followed by her simply walking through the door, creates a bit of a tension rollercoaster. I feel like tension should build, rather than peak and valley. Maybe if I was more sure what the goal of getting into the shed was, if I was more aware of how it impacted the rest of her plan, it'd be different. It just doesn't seem like it's a required step to access the building, and yet it's given the narrative weight of being super duper important and tricky to accomplish. It's entirely possible that's the point, honestly, the build up and then the anticlimax, but I don't think that's reflected in her internal monologue, nor do I think it's like, the time for it. Or, and I'm just spit balling here, none of this matters and I've thought way too deeply about her trying to get into a roof shed. I'm glad you take my amateur criticisms in good humor, I am certainty not a professional editor. Or even have that good a grasp on the English language tbh. That is to say, I have no idea what I'm talking about, I just like the sound of my own voice and am irresponsibly sure of my own opinion.

Lost Rain

I fixed it. The shed is where the entire building’s electricity routes through. By disabling it, she cuts out not just one camera. It’ll hopefully make a bit more sense when todays chapter comes out.

Gardor

"the wards separating each floor I noticed when Corvid bugged the elevator. After some searching around the Net, I figured they’re some kind of biological ward" -> oh, think this answers a question I had the other day "He flew back to me, crying quietly." -> think "crying quietly" is a bit misleading, cuz we attach emotions to crying. Maybe "crying out quietly", or "cawing", or some other term for making noise vocally. You may not want to repeat "cawing" again. Alright I'm almost positive this is just me being thick, but: why'd she want to get into the shed? It wasn't another method of ingress into the building, her plan was always causing an interruption to the power from within in the shed? Cutting power to the camera she'd already otherwise nullified? I kinda thought the shed was the entrance to the stairs, but there's a door to the stairs and also a separate shed with electric doohickies on the roof, I'm now understanding.


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