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Outrun - Chapter 154

🕑 Added 2024-10-04 22:07:59 +0000 UTC

Comments

Gardor

I was trying to say that if the character ever got reworked, this would be a good retroactive foundation (as in, described throughout the story but the reason given later) for a more private eye focused characterization. I wasnt really criticizing or denying her klepto habits, although I guess I would eventually like a similarly powerful justification for why she acts that way. Tracing her sticky fingers to "boo hoo I was poor for a while" seems lackluster compared to "I tried so hard to find out about my parent's death, but never could", if that second motivation didn't even impact her very much.

FiveBoxes

I think her being a massive klepto is a big deal for her character. It's the thing she wants to do even after getting all the different opportunities presented to her. She literally wants one of her personas to be known for being an amazing thief even though a known thief is a caught thief. She can definitely raise her identity as a detective, which she already does have some reputation for, though having her thievery sidelined would take away from her character. To her, being a private eye is just a side gig, so she hasn't had that click in her mental switch to think of going into it. Heck, even her Crusade job has just been playing around in her head but she hasn't actually done something about it... it's the level of procrastination I can relate to which is just sad to see in somebody else lol. Maybe the idea can be framed like she's subconsciously scheming and stealing, instead of have it be the focus of her thoughts at plot relevant moments. Like, we know when she passes through a crowd her hands would find itself in other's pockets, but maybe we don't need her to say that she planned to do so or that she's intentionally going out of her way to be a loot goblin. So maybe let the plot happen, have her mention or look at the valuables, and then have her come out with a pocket full of trinkets and a bag full of treasure. Cuz of course she would steal them. (Though if that happened, the writing style would probably change. I like the current style.) Could definitely use some more levels on her klepping skills though, so she can just do it without thinking about it.

Gardor

Also liked the Athena pov

Gardor

"I was too young to get any clues back then, something I beat myself up over, but maybe now?" Alright so again this might just be me missing earlier foreshadowing, but I feel like this is a good retroactive reason for her to develop a focus on information gathering. I sorta think she's more identifiable as a thief than as a private eye, and if you ever go back and do some more editing, this eventual reveal would be a good reason for her to be obsessively focused on fact finding. Not that I think she's a "bad" private eye, per se, but...I lack the words. She's not "driven" to uncover mysteries, it doesn't seem to be anywhere close to her main motivation. It would be a subtle change to her established characterization, more a change to the intent behind her actions rather than her actual actions. For example, she seems to view all the stuff she found out in the basement as an afterthought, "maybe she can sell it to somebody", and was really focused on looting. This is in her families fallen company, so she should really give a fuck about the seedy details, but again it all seemed like a secondary reward she grabbed cuz it was readily available, not something she focused on. Unless this is already the case, then sorry for trying to tell you something you already know, and for missing the hints.


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