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Outrun - Chapter 158

🕑 Added 2024-10-14 22:04:01 +0000 UTC

Comments

Gardor

It is probably just me noticing the similar first lines with the preview on the patreon app, and absolutely no one would notice it otherwise.

Lost Rain

I changed the couple paragraphs there. You make a good point.

Lost Rain

I don’t know either. I went ahead and rewrote the beginning bit though

Gardor

"Bringing me in on this makes it all the more apparent Carone has been treating me with kiddie gloves this entire time." -> I feel like "kiddie gloves" is an idiom used to denote when someone is being gentle for someone's else's benefit, which doesn't quite seem like correct phrase to talk about "sending me the child jobs to keep from paying me real money" situation. "What kind of security would be in a place like this?” Picking up on the slightly condescending tone of my voice, Athena replied coolly. “This isn’t just any opera house" -> alright so I'm kind of split on this one. Athena saying "this isn't just any opera house" is the natural response to Shiro saying "what could be in this opera house?" I guess I'm trying to say, Athena's comment only seems natural if someone else already broached the topic of opera houses. However, I also think it'd be weird for Shiro to immediately identify the plans as specifically an opera house, cuz I'm not sure how common knowledge of opera house architecture would be. Unless it's a subtle call back to Shiro growing up rich, and then you should put in some description of Athena clocking it, an eye brow raise at this street rat knowing about opera houses sorta situation. So that us readers can get context for the availability of opera house knowledge.

Gardor

Dunno if this matters, but it's a similar opening line to last chapter. Actually, most chapters seem to open with "I [verbed] in [noun] of [location]". Usually I know if my pedantry is referring to something positive or negative, this time I legit have no clue.


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