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Outrun - Chapter 195

🕑 Added 2025-01-10 23:04:00 +0000 UTC

Comments

Gardor

Great

Lost Rain

I rewrote the part where she was knocked out. Shiro catches the wallet now, and the woman just passes out naturally.

Momongama

I agree, there are definitely some moments in the story that are closer to slapstick than one would expect, which can be jarring.

Gardor

Alright another unasked for opinion, but the goofy names and the wallet knock out kind of lend themselves to a more self aware, meta comedy sorta story. Just like, tonally, imo. Especially the wallet knocking her out, what could have possibly been in it, and how hard did Dev throw it, to instantly put her to sleep? Seems more like an author saying "well I'm done with this scene, let's wrap it up, it doesnt matter if the readers see me pulling the strings", than anything realistic or organic. Not that I think the comedy is bad, or that injecting a bit of levity can't work, it just seems...cheap? Easy? It definitely diminishes the verisimilitude of the story (had to Google that word). I'm not really sure, I probably shoulda thought this through before commenting.


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