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Outrun - Chapter 141

🕑 Added 2024-09-09 22:04:01 +0000 UTC

Comments

Lost Rain

I like your idea better. I’m stealing it.

lenkite

> “Squire, turn in your badge. This kind of behavior is unfitting of the Crusade.” Should have *immediately* thrown the badge directly at the Commander and stated: I disappointed the Crusaders - I will rejoin only after finishing my course at [Alcoholics Anonymous]. PS: She should replace the contents of the flask with mineral water. I mean he did confirm it was only water after all. PPS: Story is missing the [Comedy] / [Anime] tag.

Gardor

Please save it for your next book, I don't think cyberpunk is a good setting for the farcical way those stories usually play out

Lost Rain

I’ll think about it a bit more. I might save the lion’s bulk of that for a different book. Might fit better.

Gardor

I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean by "narrative stories"? Like, plot beats that follow a very traditional progression, orphan finds the sword in the stone and vanquishes the evil wizard, for no other reason than that's how stories go? My only problem with it is when characters don't react to it, to me it's a betrayal of their authenticity, turns them into NPCs. For example, if our MC saw her supervisor trip in such a way that the alcohol flew out of his hands right before his boss walked in, twice, it should be noticed by her. I'm not saying they need to be genre savvy meta savants, but they do need to realize how incredibly unlikely it is that the stranger in the woods happened to be the kings brother (or whatever). Those are just the most ham fisted examples I could think of, obviously tropes are the convention because they're interesting and they work, and having characters be aware they're operating on story rules isn't always the best option.

Lost Rain

I had wanted to do some more ‘narrative stories’ every once in a while, but you’re right it might be a lot more fun if she’s always approaching from outside the narrative. Save some frustration to.

Gardor

Oh boy, just to be clear I'm not advocating for that sort of shift in the world building/tone, but there's definitely a way you can do it by using the metaphysical eidolons. Make them pull on the strings of fate to amuse themselves, and have certain "stories" keep happening cuz that's what they like to see. A sort of hobbled version of the "practical guide to evil" fate = narrative conventions mechanic. On a more micro level and with competing "authors" instead of the foundational and impartial way it functions in that story. Don't think that'd change my problems with the character's reactions (or lack thereof) to the Inquisitor's fate magic, tho.

Lost Rain

D: I was supposed to be making fun of romcoms a bit. I will admit it was super out of place though. I caught myself in a half committed state and its started to drag for me for the later half. It probably would’ve been better if I fully committed, which would’ve made the arc drag on longer, or like you said came from an outside meta approach.

Gardor

Oh wow I didn't even realize any part of the school arc was supposed to be funny. Burn. My problem with it is that it usually seems character and world breaking, to have the aware and intelligent individuals not notice the multitude of coincidences that happen right in front of them. If this were a story with more meta elements, like one of those humorous "reincarnated in a xianxia world with knowledge of tropes" kind of stories, it'd fit better. Although yes, having the built in defense mechanism to the magic would also make sense. It can still be funny, if she figures out the trick, it'd just change her reactions from "clueless victim of someone else's magic" to "exasperated bystander of fate's whimsy". Would be a good explanation for Hope's insomnia, so I kind of assumed she was in on it. Which also adds to me wanting the MC to catch on.

Lost Rain

Thank you! I got it fixed

Lost Rain

Both have their pros. I do know from the majority of the school arc that a solid portion of my readers don’t like when I do stuff purely for comedy though. I’m still getting complaints about stuff from that arc even today. At some point she’ll realize something is fishy, although it could be considered luck that no one realizes what his abilities are.

Gardor

"one hand reaching for the gun under my pillow as movement arched into my room."-> Dunno, probably "arced into"? "Zoomed through my peripheral"? Did Corvid summon itself? The Caw woke her up, right? Independent thieving bird, this is definitely gonna cause plot developments. Especially if it can be influenced by its greater spirit. "And so, that’s how part of my warning went. " -> morning

Gardor

I'm curious, do you plan on making the "luck magic" stuff a blind spot for the characters, so that no one realizes what's happening and it can continue being played for "comedy", or is she gonna put two and two together at some point? I know which I prefer, cuz apparently I was born without a sense of humor, but I'm mostly just wondering.


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