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Ted's Dolls 42: Couples

🕑 Added 2024-11-09 05:00:08 +0000 UTC

Comments

Magicshoppe

And this is true, too. I will likely make minor changes to it six months from now when I post it to deviantArt. (as I always do) Or I might take a heavier hand. Depends on how I feel then.

Steve

I don't mind how the conversation flows. It works well without all the "said X" for giving the feel of a natural conversation. I'm sure it makes analysis harder, but for a casual read over, I don't have a problem with it.

Magicshoppe

There are places where someone says a line and it doesn't say who said it. And I don't think it was necessary to know who did. I didn't want to inundate the text with saids. I suspect I needed to add me minor movement and action to break up the dialog. It's a long sequence of dialog though. This part was still being edited Wednesday. Perhaps I should have waited to let it marinade longer. Dunno.

David Fenger

The talky bits get *very* talky, and sometimes hard to tell just who's talking. (Partly because it gets so talky I don't really care.) Wouldn't hurt to add a few more 'said X' or a little bit of blocking to break it up a little. I'm a bit surprised Ted noticed the magic necklace then just left it alone... but that does seem to be its power.


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