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Chapter 580: The Trash that's About to be Taken Out
🕑 Added 2023-05-05 17:04:56 +0000 UTCAlex had been right about one thing.
The actions of others had indeed led to bad times. In this case, the actions of Kybas of the Clan Chulu had led to bad times for every single competitor he went up against in the medium-weight division of the Duel by Proxy.
Already, the first bout had turned into a slaughter.
Never had the name Harmless ever been so unfitting.
Their opponent was a tall, graceful hellhound summoned by a familiar face: Victor, a student from one of Alex’s blood magic classes. The young man hadn’t changed much since the Thameish wizard had last seen him.
The aspiring blood mage still dressed all in black, with polished spikes rising from the shoulders of his coat. His hair looked like the last time it had seen water was around the time Baelin was born, yet he’d strutted into the arena with the towering confidence reserved for triumphing demigods of war.
When Victor’s name was announced, Alex flashed back to the times the pale young man had tried to explain Professor Hak’s own lesson to her in the middle of class. The resulting cringe had been so powerful Alex’s whole body had wilted on itself like a prune. It seemed to be happening again and Theresa grabbed his shoulder to steady him.
“Are you having a fit?” she asked him in concern. “Did someone poison you? Is your soul being drained by a demon?”
‘Father…I sense…great mental anguish coming from you…along with images of…that person in the arena who was in your class…’ Claygon said. ‘You are remembering your classmates looking at each other…as Victor went into a fifteen minute speech right before class was due to end…father? Father, you are falling from your chair.’
After Alex had barely managed to cling to life and sanity, he looked up to realise that Kybas had already been announced and Victor had already conjured his companion: a hellhound.
Because of course it was a hellhound.
“So, erm.” The announcer looked at his cue card awkwardly. “I think there might be a mistake here: we don’t have any name listed for your companion. What’s the name of your hellhound, Victor?”
“Heh,” the aspiring blood mage sneered at Kybas. “I don’t need to reveal the name of my summoned devil to the trash I’m about to take out!” He pointed dramatically across the field. “Get ready! If it weren’t for the magic blunting our pets’ attacks, yours would be leaving the arena as a new pair of boots! Big ones!”
Some in the crowd fell silent, others laughed weakly.
Again, Alex had to battle an urge not to cringe to death.
“Um, brother.” Selina tugged Alex’s sleeve. She pointed at Victor. “Is that man real? Is this some weird dream?”
“He’s…he’s real, Selina…I know you’ll probably go through weird phases as you get to be a teenager, but don’t be like him. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself when you’re all grown up.”
“A-alright then,” the announcer said. “Then we have a secret companion to surprise and delight you with!”
“The secret is death,” Victor spat at Harmless, attempting an intimidating glare.
Kybas was the man who had stood beside Professor Salinger, helping the magical botany teacher to fend off an entire horde of demons. He also hung out with Grimloch, and was raising a death-machine. It would take a little more than the words of a creepy-eyed second year student to frighten the proud member of clan Chulu into submission.
Especially, with the new and improved Harmless at his side.
Murmurs drifted through the crowd when the crocodile appeared beside Kybas. All signs of the tiny reptile that Alex had met in first year alchemy were long gone, replaced by a monster of nine feet long, who weighed four hundred and ninety-nine pounds.
A careful diet, supplemented by mushrooms and potions throughout Harmless’ growth, had seen him explode in size, with scales that were thickening into solid armour plates sheathing a body corded with Grimloch-like muscle.
Even Victor’s sneer had turned limp when he got a closer look at the beast.
It wilted even further as soon as the announcer started the round.
The aspiring blood mage had begun casting body enhancement on his hellhound, but Harmless had lunged for the devilish dog before he’d gotten two syllables out of his mouth. Victor had panicked, bitten his tongue, and watched as the crocodile seized his summoned monster in crushing jaws, bashing the beast against the cage before pinning it to the ground for the count.
Then he’d flung the fiend halfway across the arena, making the crowd explode, though none cheered louder than King Aksuma. Khalik’s father cheered Harmless on as though his son were in the ring again, gripping the prince’s shoulder and pointing to the devastating reptile.
“What a magnificent beast!” he cried. “He’s not even fully grown yet, you say? He’ll be the size of a dragon when he reaches his full size!”
Queen Ishtar only watched with half-interest, shaking her head at her husband.
Khalik, meanwhile, exchanged a nervous glance with Najyah. “Indeed, and I thank the gods that Harmless grew too large for my division.”
“I think you and Najyah could still defeat him, my mighty oak flower,” Sinope smiled like a spring morning, full of all sorts of cheery promises.
As soon as the words left her mouth, the hellhound suddenly screamed.
Harmless was chasing the beast around the arena—while Victor tried desperately to pile on body enhancement spells to give it a fighting chance—when the crocodile lashed his tail into the arena floor, launching himself forward like the world’s scaliest and toothiest ballista-bolt.
“That’s right!” Kybas laughed, not having had to cast a single spell on his familiar. “Bring on the croc-apocalypse!”
Harmless’ deadly fangs bit down on one of the fiend’s scrabbling legs, and Kybas’ horrifying laughter filled the stadium as the crocodile went into his death roll.
“And he calls him ‘Harmless’, by the Traveller. Never have I heard so great a lie.” Alex gaped at the croc-apocalypse as he sat beside Theresa, Selina, Thundar, Grimloch, Claygon, Brutus and Isolde, most of whom were looking at each other with a mixture of pride, and pure and utter horror.
“Should this be allowed?” Isolde whispered.
“Yeessssssss.” Grimloch grinned, licking his chops and drawing nervous glances from spectators nearby.
The stadium had filled since the fights in the last division and—though it wasn’t overflowing like for the super-heavyweight matches last year—there was still plenty of enthusiasm to go around.
It spread—somewhat—to a particular magical botany professor.
Professor Salinger sat on the opposite side of the arena, beside his very shocked looking wife and children. The professor himself was an entire garden of emotions: shock, awe, fascination, confusion, and more.
But, he just couldn’t look away.
He hardly blinked as Harmless pinned the hellhound again, dragging him along the bars of the cage then thrashing him into the ground.
“Keep out his range, Daemonshade, burn him with your fire!” Victor began to scream, revealing his companion’s name to the trash he was about to take out.
“He did not just call him Daemonshade?” Theresa winced.
“I think it’s a pretty cool name,” Alex said.
“You would.”
Daemonshade breathed fire, bounding away from the extremely harmful crocodile named Harmless, as Kybas bounced up and down like a deranged toddler, giggling. With a victorious grin, he cast a spell of fire protection on Harmless, blunting some of the flame’s effects.
The goblin wizard didn’t even bother to give orders, he just let the crocodile rampage as he liked. And rampage he did.
Victor tried funnelling mana to life into Daemonshade, pouring energy into the hellhound…but a fly with all the energy in the world could do little to stop a dragon.
The reptile savaged the now-cowering devil dog, simply taking the beast’s fire-breath as though it was a light breeze. Cheers rose from the crowd: feet stomped, fists pounded on armrests, and voices thundered.
Grimloch, meanwhile, did not say a word. He didn’t cheer. He didn’t shout. He didn’t whoop. He only clapped, his massive palms coming together like a deep-bellied drum.
He didn't stop clapping until two rounds of the Daemonshade-crushing bout had finished.
“Victory goes to Kybas and Harmless, by way of decision!!” the announcer cried. “The point gap is now so wide that Victor and Daemonshade cannot claim enough points to achieve victory! Let’s hear cheers for Kybas and Harmless, and cheers for Victor and Daemonshade, who never gave up until the bitter end!”
“Ky-bas! Ky-bas! Ky-bas! Harm-less! Harm-les! Harm-less!” the excited crowd’s roar was deafening.
Both Khalik and his father pumped their fists, shouting the goblin’s name.
Grimloch simply continued clapping.
But his grin was knowing. “This is only going to get worse,” he rumbled. “You just watch.”
As if they heard him, Victor and Daemonshade quickly fled.
###
The matches passed quickly as summoned monsters, familiars and man-sized golems faced each other in battle. There were some powerful competitors—especially a duo consisting of a wizard and a plant-like monster—but no one had provided a more devastating performance than Harmless.
As the battles stretched on, Kybas’ next match loomed closer and closer, and the crowd waited with building anticipation.
Until finally…
“And now for their second match, let’s welcome Kybas of the Clan Chulu and Harmless!” The announcer roared. “Defeated before they could place in last year’s lightweight division, this year, Kybas has shown us how hungry he is for vengeance in the middleweight division, folks! And his familiar is hungry for everything else!”
The crowd roared in response.
The goblin beamed. “That’s right! He eats anything! Especially mushrooms and lots of other concoctions! And fish! And meat! …and everything else! So what I said the first time, he eats everything!”
Grimloch burst out laughing. “Of course he does! He’s got class!” the sharkman bellowed.
Across the arena Professor Salinger lowered his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“But we have a challenge coming for this harmful duo in the upcoming match!” the announcer shouted. “This time, they face Boris and his companion, the deadly…the vicious…the venomous…Skylance!”
A muscular wizard strode to the arena beside a monstrous, distinctive, creature.
“Oh holy crap, that’s a vespara!” Alex cried.
“I remember you showed me drawings of them in one of your textbooks,” Selina said, “you, Theresa, Claygon and Brutus, fought one last year in the countryside!”
“We…did…” Claygon said. “I…remember…buzzing…but nothing else.”
“Awww, that’s too bad,” Theresa said. “That was a fantastic fight and an epic date. We should do that again, Alex.”
“Yeah, we should.” He leaned down and kissed her. “But I think we’d need something a little nastier than a vespara to get a challenge these days.”
“You’re right,” she said. “We’d probably have it dead as soon as we found it. …I think this one’s smaller than the one we faced.”
“Yeah.” Alex peered at Skylance as she was let into the arena cage. “I don’t think she’s quite as big. She also doesn’t have any wasps to command.”
“Easy win for Kybas, then?” Selina asked.
The Thameish wizard frowned. “I’m not so sure, Selina. Vesparas are really fast and they're also natural flyers. Their stingers are like spikes, and I’d bet a good chunk of coin that the first thing this Boris does is summon wasps from another plane for Skylance to control. I’d sure as heck do that.”
“I suppose that’s true…” she said. “And that monster can fly. Harmless can’t.”
“Well, I bet you the first thing Kybas does is cast a flight spell on Harmless,” Alex pointed out.
“I…think…Harmless will do well,” Claygon added. “Skylance…didn’t crush her last opponent…as much as Harmless crushed the hellhound that was not supposed to be named…but was suddenly named—why are you all laughing?”
Thundar, Alex and even Theresa had doubled over.
“Never mind, buddy,” Alex said. “You’re too funny, and you don’t even know it!”
“Hmmm…Harmless will still win…” Claygon said.
“Of course he will.” Grimloch’s smile turned terrifying. “He’s going to serve that wasp monster its own stinger.”
“Well, we’ll see,” Alex said. “I think he’ll win, but I don’t think it’s going to be as one-sided as his last match.
“Alright!” the announcer cried. “Are we ready? Who will come out on top? Begin!”
His hand came down.
‘This one’ll give you some trouble, Kybas,’ Alex thought. ‘But I know you can do it.’
It quickly became apparent that one half of that thought was very, very wrong.
###
Author's Note
Hello twenty-three cool fools, almighty chosen, wise sages, and mighty champions! Thank you for your support!
So I try to avoid a lot of tired tropes in Fool, while embracing others. And one of my favourite tropes is "jackass who thinks he is a genius/badass, but is not—in fact—a genius/badass". Think Amiba from Fist of the North Star if you're a fossil like me, lol.
Cya tomorrow!
Comments
cris
Please please pleaseeee I beg you - can you one day work in Alex doing whatever he’s cooked up for Brutus to harmless ????
rendterna
It certainly death rolls off the tongue easier. Side effects may include mad goblin laughter, massive growth spurts, an unhealthy taste for body enhancement potions, and possible underground criminal activity. No worries, though, they are all Harmless!
mant06
I wonder Kybas could brew potions that would allow Grimloch to use his life enforcement in more varried ways?
David Tawater
I'm loving Harmless right now. He is literally Grimlochs spirit animal!!!
ze96
I vote for crocalypse, it rolls easier off the tongue.
mant06
Well whatever else, Victor is atleast persistent. Edit: Doesn't this mean that Victor has passed battle magic? ( Baelin's course and invitations could also be technically posibile though I doubt it.)
Obi-Wan-Sage
Real pokemon battles. Woot
Orims
Can't wait until Harmless is the size of a train and Kybas can just send the primordial beast to chomp on any fool who makes the mistake to be his enemy. As an asside I like that Kybas and Grimloch are besties honestly they will be great evil wizard and demigod cultivator duo in the future.
