jmclarke
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Chapter 599: Fire-Kissed
🕑 Added 2023-06-02 00:41:29 +0000 UTC“I waited until the hush of night, just as it turned midnight,” the queen said, her voice grim. “It was during the time of drought and famine in Tekezash, and, for most, it was a truly terrible time. My family’s food stores were holding well enough—we were not feasting, but we were not without most meals either. Though, I wish I could say the same for those who lived in the countryside: everything, even the lowliest weed was dead. The people were growing hungrier. Desperate. My father led patrols across our lands almost daily, because in lean times, bandits multiply. These were desperate folk leaving fallow fields and useless farm tools to pick up the spear or the bow and shield. Tension was high, and my mother had instructed our guards to keep a strict watch on the outer walls of our home.”
She sighed. “Our lands were attacked and some blamed my father’s decisions for the drought and the famine that followed. He asked the king and queen for aid, because the plague of plant monsters brought to our kingdom by those swindlers was spreading, but the army was stretched too thin. We were all afraid, and almost every eye in our home was watching the countryside.”
“That sounds awful,” Selina shook her head, trying to imagine what that time must have been like. But she couldn’t; there was never a time in her life when she didn’t have food to eat, either in Alric or Generasi. Mr. and Mrs. Lu had talked about bad years with bad harvests when they were young, but the rains had always been kind in Thameland for as long as she could remember. If her stomach grumbled, she could always find a snack for herself in the kitchen or the larder, or could simply wait for Mr. and Mrs. Lu to prepare the next meal. It was the same for everyone she knew back home: no one ever talked about going hungry, and in Generasi, food was even more delicious, more plentiful, and easier to get than in Alric. There were so many different kinds of fruit trees growing wild, that getting something to eat was as simple as reaching up and picking something off a branch.
If she actually thought about it, she’d never known anyone who’d gone hungry; famines were terrible things from dark stories, or bleak history lessons from the church school. Never in real life. The thought of hiding at home, hungry, and knowing that starving people were roaming around outside desperate for any scrap of food…reminded her of those demons that had attacked the Games last year, the thought was probably just as terrifying.
“So what did you do next?” Selina was on the edge of her seat.
“I snuck out of my room and into the hallway—thankfully, no one was about —and I quietly made my way to the library. My mother and father were not wizards, but my teacher had brought many books for me to study from; different spell-guides and books on magic lore that he’d placed high up on the shelves,” she said. “And as quiet as a mouse, I took a chair, climbed up on it, and took the spell-guide for Hands of Fire down. Then I went back to my room.”
Selina swallowed as the queen continued.
“I was so curious that I quickly opened the spell-guide, though I didn’t think I would be able to use it.” The queen continued. “My teacher had only taught me the simplest of spells, yet—even if this spell was more advanced—I could cast it. It was actually easy. The magic seemed to want to come to me.”
Something about those words excited Selina; the thought of magic wanting to come to her…but she shook off the feeling.
‘I’m going to use fire,’ she thought. ‘I’m going to use fire to kill fire. I shouldn’t be happy about that.’
But even as the thought entered her mind, the spark grew brighter and warmer, yearning for flame.
“What happened next?” Selina’s excitement was getting away from her. “Did the spell go wrong? Did you have a…” she paused, trying to remember what Alex called it. “A ‘mana reversal’?”
“No.” Queen Ishtar smiled dreamily. “The fire came to me without a bit trouble. As much as I had struggled with my general lessons in magic, this magic came freely, naturally. I knew without the slightest doubt that the fire was born to me, and it wanted to come to me. It almost felt like the spell was casting itself as I muttered the words.”
“Hm,” Alex mused, but said no more.
“In the end, it came quickly,” Queen Ishtar said. “Too readily. And too powerfully. Flames shot from my hands, spraying over my bedchamber; and my bed and desk began to burn.”
Selina gasped, her hands trembling.
But the queen continued. “Of course, I started to panic and though I was trying desperately to put out the flames with the pitchers of water and curtains that were in my room—it blazed even brighter. And that’s when it kissed me.” She touched the scar on the side of her face. “I had never felt pain like that before in my young life, and all I could do was scream and cry while the house guards ran to my aid. It took much time to snuff the flames, but they managed to keep them from spreading.”
Khalik winced. “I do not like when you tell this story, mother. You were hurt and it frightens me to think what might have happened to you…” The prince froze, looking at Alex and Selina, pain taking his face.
“It’s okay,” the young girl said.
Her older brother waved him off. “Yeah, don’t worry about it, I get it. I get it better than most people would.”
“...thank you,” Khalik said slowly.
“What happened after that? Didn’t you hate fire?” Selina asked.
She knew that if she’d done what the queen had, then she would have hated fire. And maybe even herself.
“No…” Ishtar’s hand—resting on the table—curled into a ball. “My parents and teacher berated me and I took my well-deserved punishment; I was not allowed to touch fire magic—or even light a candle by myself—for two years. Those were some of the worst days of my life.”
“But why?” Selina demanded. “Fire hurt you! Why didn’t you hate it? Why don’t you let someone take that scar away?”
The queen smiled sadly. “Fire is like an unruly chil—” she paused, looking at Selina closely. “No..that is not right. That explanation is not right for you.” She thought for a moment, looking outside, squinting against the sunlight. “Tell me, Selina. Do you hate the sun?”
There was silence.
“What?” the young girl asked, exchanging a confused glance with Shiani.
“Do you hate the sun?” the queen repeated her question.
“N-no…” Selina said, her confusion growing.
“Have you ever been too hot on a summer’s day?”
“Yes,” the young girl said slowly. “The first hot day this summer was really uncomfortable. I put on a dress that was too heavy and I felt sweaty and gross the whole day. My hair looked like matted dog fur.”
The queen laughed, a warm sound. “And you were annoyed that day, were you not?”
“Ya…”
“Were you angry at the sun?”
“No, that doesn’t make sense.” Selina frowned.
“What about the wind? It gets cold where you are from, and the wind must make it worse. Do you become angry at the wind? Do you hate it?”
“No! That’d be weird.”
“Fire is the same,” the queen said. “Shiani told me of the spirit of fire that her people worship. We both told you of the magic of fire and its warmth. There are deities of fire that govern heat and flame throughout the world. But what of fire itself? What is it? Well, I will tell you: it is like the sun, the wind, the rain and the heat. It is like lightning and earthquakes and the tide. It is like sand, the cold and the earth. Fire has no mind, Selina. Not even a beast’s mind.”
She smiled. “There is beauty in that, I find. Fire does not scheme. It does not hunger. It does not hunt. It simply is. And it helps us, like the rain and the water and the wind and the sun…but it can hurt us too, just like they can. So when the fire burnt me, I did not blame it, for who was there to blame? Fire did not want to hurt me. Fire did not hurt me.”
The queen pointed to the fireplace. “Fire cannot want. It cannot do anything with intention. Fire only is, and it is other things that direct fire, such as fuel, wind, rain and people.” She caressed her scar. “Fire was the tool that burnt me. But who really did burn me? I did. I was careless with it, and so I kept this scar to remind me never to be so careless again. And now you know my journey to flame.”
Selina only realised she’d begun to cry when the first tears ran down her cheeks.
Her brother was out of his seat in an instant, with a handkerchief in hand, but she spoke before he could touch her.
“If you burnt yourself—” She jumped out of her chair. “—if you did that to yourself and you’re the one whose fault it is, then what about me!” Selina pressed her hands to her chest. “Did I burn my parents to death? Was that me? I was too small to know or remember anything when they died! Was that me? Did the fire come out of me and burn up our whole lives? Was that me?”
Alex stopped, his face turning as white as a sheet.
A small part of Selina regretted her words; she’d never told him what she suspected. For fear he might hate her. In case he might try to hide the truth by protecting her. All this time, she’d been too afraid to ask anyone.
But now—in front of someone else with a fire affinity—she couldn’t hold the words back anymore.
She had to know.
“That’s impossible,” Shiani said, her hands to her mouth. “By the Flames, is that what you’ve been thinking this entire time?”
“Oh…no…” Claygon said quietly.
“By the Sapphire Sea, Selina…” Khalik had half-risen from his chair.
“Selina…” Alex said, his voice shaking as he came toward her.
She raised her hand. “No!” If he hugged her, she wouldn’t be able to think anymore. This spark inside her—this little ember of flame and anger that gave her enough strength to finally ask that question—would die if he hugged her now.
She would go back to cowering and wondering.
And right now? She was done with cowering.
“What you think is not possible,” the queen said, her tone as gentle as a low wind. “But it is a question asked by many with our affinity. And the answer is that it’s not possible.”
“You’re lying.” Tears poured down Selina’s face as her voice broke. “You’re lying, aren’t you?”
She couldn’t allow herself to hope. She couldn’t.
The queen paused, weighing her words carefully. “I am not, nor would I. Ask yourself this question Selina: you have mana in you but have you ever made magic? Have you ever accidentally cast a spell or used power before anyone taught you to?”
“well...no,” the young girl admitted. “But, fire could be different. You said it was inside me, so it could come out!”
“That’s like saying that because a baby has hands, she could wield a sword,” the queen said gently. “The world is full of many wonderful things that I will never understand. But I know fire. And I know affinities. And I tell you that what you fear is what many fear…but it is impossible. It cannot be.”
“But what if it is!” Selina insisted.
“It’s not,” Alex said. “But even if it were, then you couldn’t blame yourself. It’d be like blaming a baby for crying. You were too young to know any different, even if it were possible. But, Selina—and I mean this—it’s not possible. You didn’t do it, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. It…was an accident. A horrible, horrible accident. And…sometimes that’s what happens in life.”
He frowned. “Sometimes…we just lose something, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
The queen rose from the table. “He is right, Selina. It is not your doing. There is no fault. It was just fire being fire. And—hate it, reject it or love it—fire is a part of you.”
“But what if…I don’t know if I want it to be part of me?” she asked.
Queen Ishtar rounded the table, looking down at her. “Sometimes, as we’re growing, we hurt ourselves. But we cannot reject that part of ourselves any more than one can cut out their own soul. Instead, we must master it. That is the way I see it. So tell me, how do you see it?”
Selina paused for a moment, looking at the fireplace.
All her life, she’d been yearning for fire…but since her parents died she’d been running from it.
She wanted to make cold from fire…but even if she did, that would mean learning about fire. Mastering fire.
Selina looked at her big brother.
He’d been Marked with something that nearly ruined their lives, something that could have destroyed his.
But, what had he done? He’d mastered it.
What would she do?
She sniffled. How could she use fire to make cold…or for anything else if she didn’t face it?
Her hands clenched into fists.
“Um…you said you learned that fire spell really fast?” she asked the queen. “Could you teach me one? Could you teach me a fire spell…right now?
###
Author's Note
Hello twenty-five cool fools, almighty chosen, wise sages, and mighty champions! Thank you for your support!
Alright. This chapter took a LOT out of me. It's a lot.
Also, of relevance, I made this comment on r/progressionfantasy today because we're dealing with Selina's trauma here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgressionFantasy/comments/13x9zx6/comment/jmhg89y/
Cya tomorrow!
Comments
mant06
Will Selina go with the queen for a time to learn more about her affinity?
Pekularity
This was a great chapter
