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I want to explain a bit how complicated my relationship with..
🕑 Added 2024-12-31 00:24:23 +0000 UTCI want to explain a bit how complicated my relationship with my body is so if you're interested you can keep reading on.
When I started out with this whole taking my clothes off online etc thing, I was just coming off of quitting drinking and making a huge dedication to my health. It was the last act of the pandemic and I felt this rush of excitement about what was coming and the world I was entering. I was a completely vanilla housewife with no experience making content at all.
After quitting drinking I started smoking (even more) weed, and even took up cigarettes for a bit after a trip to Italy. I started a relationship with a Parisian man and over the last year or so, I lost that excitement I had in 2021. I fell out of love with that new relationship I had with my body and started looking at myself negatively. If I had a video chat and the guy wasn't immediately cumming everywhere, I blamed it on my body. I could obviously write a lot more about this and aging, but it's really not all that sexy is it.
Soooo anyway my 'breaking point' I guess, was my trip to Ottawa in September. I felt lonely and isolated and soo so so miserable with the way I looked. My fitness is not something I let 'slip' so it can be a bit of a cover for my actual health and way I feel about my body.
It has now been 100 days since then and I am down 17lbs/8 kgs and I feel like I am getting that excitement back. It has been mentally exhausting because when I am uncomfortable in my own body I cant even think about someone else's. I want to feel strong and healthy and always ready to perform.
I now fit into all of my jeans, lingerie sets and dresses that have been hanging in my closet for 3 years. It's actually exciting thinking about outfit requests and going shopping. I haven't been able to feel gratitude for even being able to get to this point yet because it is just so tiring and boring to work on this.
Onwards and upwards for 2025 and the first year of my 40's! 😘😘😘
