lilianafenty
onlyfans
I woke up super early this morning and couldn't fall back to..
🕑 Added 2021-08-03 20:26:03 +0000 UTC I woke up super early this morning and couldn't fall back to sleep, so I wound up spending hours looking back at old pictures, reminiscing, and thinking about my life. Thinking about how dedicated I am to the work I do here - and honestly, it's too much. I'm way too dedicated. I spend almost every waking hour working on this "job," which encompasses so many different things that it feels like multiple jobs. Looking back at these pictures from before I started OnlyFans, you can see how much better I looked. Happier, healthier, I had hobbies and friends and a life. My body looked fantastic, and I looked great without makeup (I'm not wearing makeup in any of these pictures!! Can you believe that??). Passionately working on schoolwork I enjoyed, pursuing my interests, and working as a research assistant. I maintained a 4.0 GPA in biochemistry while being... Truly happy. Now, I’m constantly worried about my content not being good enough, not marketing myself enough, and about not making enough money. And only receiving appreciation and tips from a select few of you, which is incredibly disheartening. Yes, that might seem like attention seeking to say out loud. But in this industry, getting praise and receiving tips are inherently important to your job. I’m incredibly grateful to those of you who do tip, talk to, and compliment me, but the appreciation of a few can only do so much when I’m pouring my heart and soul into my content, working really hard to create high quality stuff, and still not getting as much recognition or earning as much as I should. I want to cry constantly. I have no hobbies. I have no friends. I don’t have time to go to the gym or cook healthy meals. I’m not making enough money. I’m overweight, unhealthy, and unhappy. I’m always on the verge of tears, but I tell myself that I can’t cry, I don’t have time, I’ll ruin my makeup... And so it builds and builds until I explode. I hold it in until I just can’t anymore. I want to have fun! I want to have hobbies and pursue my passions like I used to. I want to have that same childlike joy and energy and optimism. I want the freedom to do things outside of this job. But I also don’t want to stop doing it. I love you guys, and I love creating content. It would be an amazing creative outlet, if only I had more time to myself so I could truly enjoy taking photos and videos. It’s going to take time to find the right balance, but I want to take you along on my journey. I want to show you guys more of myself, baring my soul to you and talking to you about my interests. I want to share my artwork and photography here. Happy selfies and cute outfits. And I’d love to show you the little things in life that I enjoy - healthy meals, flowers, doodles, journal entries - as well as the bigger things, like pictures from my travels and my life achievements. I know a lot of you just subscribe to see my NSFW content, and that’s okay! I’m not going to be diverging from my posting schedule. I’ll still be posting a full length video every week, and plenty of nudes. I’m planning to keep things mostly the same, but also sharing more of “me” and my life here as I rediscover myself, in addition to my sexy content. I want to give you guys some insight into my life and let you get to know me as I struggle to work things out and keep on top of everything. It would be really beautiful to me if you guys supported me on my journey to getting healthy and finding some joy in this world, in addition to jerking off to me. Thank you all for supporting me and loving me, I appreciate you all so much and hope you will continue to support me, in both my NSFW content and life endeavors going forward <3
