when bad taste, is really good.
an online suitor recently b..
🕑 Added 2020-05-23 04:13:26 +0000 UTC
when bad taste, is really good.
an online suitor recently bought me a “micro bikini” for a special video customs request. when my order arrived in mail, I opened packed and with an bemused raised eyebrow held up the two tiny pieces of swimwear. I can’t pinpoint the exact emotion, but at that moment holding the scraps of mesh fabric and the twine that held them together I felt some combination of body dysmorphia insecurity and overwhelming embarrassment or shame that I now actually owned such a sleazy article of clothing? I think of myself as an aesthete; I am someone with impeccable taste, and excellent style. It's point of pride for me - my home, how I travel, my wardrobe, my lingerie collections, my luxury cars....even my sex toys at bespoke. I am drawn to understated luxury, which to me is the only true luxury. And here I was holding a fleshy toned mesh-micro-bikini that I had not only promised to wear but in fact aggressively shake my ass in for 4 minutes on video. Oy vey. I hung the thing over my closet doorknob and for the following two days occasionally shot it a skeptical glance. Fast forward to content shooting day...I grabbed my bottle of body oil, camera and tripod, the tiny stringy thing and went to hunt down the best afternoon glow in the house. If I was going to be immortalized on film in this atrocity it had at least be in the best lightning!
Back in 2016 the podcast INVISIBILIA, then still in their first season, aired the episode “The Secret Emotional Life of Clothes” in which the show hosts examined separate stories, scientific data and consulted with psychologists on the power of clothing and the effect they have on us...in literal measurable ways. One of my favourite of the 7 stories explored in the episode was the Northwestern University “White Coat” experiment that asked participants to take a series of attention tests wearing a white coat. The group who was told theirs was a doctor’s lab coat performed better than the group who wore the identical coat but had been told it was a painter’s coat. Like actual intelligence changed based on the clothing they wore! The stories about the Jew who wore a Nazi shirt during the concentration camps, the silky panties and cross dressing, hoodies and sunglasses. Fascinating stories about people having very real Peter Parker and Clark Kent experiences being transformed by what they wear.
I thought about that Invisibilia episode the moment I slipped into this ridiculous minuscule swimsuit and began to film myself gyrating. There was an instantaneous shift in the energy in the room, it was palpable; my mood, my confidence. There I was wearing this trashy poorly-made and ill-fitting mesh micro-bikini that serves no purpose, not even for swimming, except to advertise the wares like a neon sign flashing “XXX”! I was shakin’ it in the afternoon light and watching myself in the mirror; but instead of feeling silly or off-brand I was like...WHO IS SHE? Nothing about this was understated luxury or curated on-brand content, I did not feel beautiful or refined; I felt like a video vixen, I felt powerful, all woman, frothy and in heat... nothing but god body. Who knew a few inches of fabric could do all that? 😏 sometimes bad taste is really good. this is not the aforementioned custom, but here’s a few snippets of me feeling myself
