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Life update and my thoughts on sexual chemistry: I’ve alway..
🕑 Added 2022-09-22 06:36:51 +0000 UTC Life update and my thoughts on sexual chemistry:I’ve always been bad about keeping a diary with my thoughts, but here we go:
Life update: For those unaware, at the end of May I started making some pretty significant changes in my life. I temporarily stopped dancing, and also moved. The move itself wasn’t big, but I live alone and am not partnered, and have no family and few close friends to help out, so I had to do most of it myself, making it more stressful than the average move, I would say. On the bright side, I got a career change! Sort of. I now work as a professional cleaner as my main gig and I actually love it! I like cleaning, I’ve honestly discovered a bit of a new passion for it. I spent 5 years stripping full time, and just got burned out on doing it full time. Now with a day job, I have more structure and my days are more fulfilling.
On a different note, I’ve been thinking a lot about sexual chemistry. To be completely frank, I’ve never been in a long term relationship with anyone, and definitely not a long term sexual relationship. I have never had sex with any one person more than 5 times. All of my intimate relationships have been either non sexual as was the case with my ex boyfriend, or short lived. It’s a shame because I’m a highly sexual person. Not necessarily in the same way as I am online, or even in the strip club, but in that I love having sex because it’s such a passionate way of communicating with a partner. Sadly because I have never had a long term partner, I’ve never had the chance to really develop the kind of sexual chemistry that can only be grown through time. I’m honestly very jealous of people in LTR’s for this reason - I want to find somebody who knows my body very well, and anticipates my needs and desires. There are so many songs about knowing a lover’s body like a favorite book and I’ve yet to find that in someone.
I’ve dated a few men (I mostly date and have sex with men, for future reference) who I had an initial encounter with that was enjoyable, but not explosively passionate. I think many people feel as if the first time having sex with someone is supposed to feel perfect and romantic and that everything about it should fit together. But I realize that’s not always the case - you need to build that kind of chemistry over time and related encounters with someone, so long as you like them enough to give it more than one try. Every man I have met has been not willing to learn and build that sexual chemistry with me and I have to wonder if this misconception is common. The idea that your first time with someone is going to be fantasy-like. I don’t know though. I just hope I find a good partner soon. What do you guys think?
